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Ask Renée: ED Disclosure?
Dear Renée,
Lately, I’ve experienced difficulty getting an erection so I scheduled an appointment with my primary physician. I would like to discuss this with my partner but I’m unsure if I should wait until after I see the doctor or have the talk beforehand. I feel like I’m keeping a bit of a secret. What should I do?
Do I Suddenly Confess and Let One Secret Escape
Lately, I’ve experienced difficulty getting an erection so I scheduled an appointment with my primary physician. I would like to discuss this with my partner but I’m unsure if I should wait until after I see the doctor or have the talk beforehand. I feel like I’m keeping a bit of a secret. What should I do?
Do I Suddenly Confess and Let One Secret Escape
Dear DISCLOSE,
Should/shouldn’t. Wood/woodn’t. One thing’s for certain: your tool’s already tattled.
Erectile dysfunction is more than a personal plight. Assuming the basic qualifier of sex involving somewhere north of one other person, ED also presents as a relational issue and a poorly held secret. Your partner knows something’s up if, well, something else hasn’t been.
Trust that your lover stands united in raising your mast.
You certainly deserve a round-of-hurrahs in wanting to broach the topic with your partner. But you can skip the Captain Obvious routine in announcing any Big Reveal. You’ve already sent the invitations and this is no surprise party. Start instead with the assumption of some common awareness and shared investment. Trust that your lover stands united in raising your mast.
Your erection isn’t the Oracle of Delphi, mysterious and unknowable.
That’s all to say: there’s no make-it-or-break-it rule for when to tell your partner about your decision to seek medical opinion. Should it be sooner than later? Sure. Communication is verbal intimacy, after all. But good arguments, like your general comfort and readiness, can be made for waiting, too. You do you, DISCLOSE. One piece of advice best applied: your erection isn’t the Oracle of Delphi, mysterious and unknowable. It’s a crystal clear communicator. So make like an erection and spit it out.
Ask Renée is a weekly column about life, love, relationships, and sex. Renée will pick questions submitted by menMD patient members and respond from her point of view. The answers are meant to be thought provoking, engaging, honest, and entertaining. You can view all of her posts in the Ask Renée section or you can ask your own questions by following the link below.
