Off The Record – Automatico
How do I tell a new partner I have an inflatable penile prosthesis (IPP)?
I’m a woman. A young woman, actually. Most of the men I talk to about sex health – erections, ejaculation, and orgasms – are my dad’s age. I practice in the town where I grew up. My patients probably know my dad (you want to talk about awkward?). I was part of a research team that won ‘Best Penile Implant Paper’ a few years ago. So, I sent a copy of the award to my Dad. He didn’t get many sports trophies from me, but a daughter who knows her way around a penis pump? Priceless, right? Listen, in my line of business its only awkward if you make it awkward. So let’s make it fun.
Once upon a time in Nicaragua…
As a Urologist, people love to ask me questions and tell their stories. This was one of my favorites. Apparently, there’s a vivacious man in his prime who strolls the coast of Nicaragua. The locals call him ‘Automatico’ because, well, his penis is automatic. Is this for real? The answer, of course, is yes. He has an IPP!
So, men, you could be like Automatico and own it. No questions asked; when you walk into any room, bar, or across state lines for that matter, everyone knows you can pump it up. Monday at 7am? You’re ready. Friday 2am? Ready.
I heard Automatico may be behind bars these days, so please, don’t do everything he does. But like Automatico, you don’t have to hide your IPP. This is 2021 when cars drive themselves and people buy charters to space, so why can’t a man have an automatic penis?
Honey, meet Krull, the Warrior King…
You may or may not remember that painfully funny line from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Chances are if you don’t remember it, your partner does. If I had to guess, you are probably going to favor this approach over Automatico. But hey, maybe you’ve been inspired.
Intimacy with a new partner is always a mix of excitement and nervousness. You don’t know what to expect. It might not be fireworks the first time. As you get older, things change. You need a little more foreplay to get things going compared to those days in your 20s and that’s OK. We all know part of foreplay is making sure your partner is ready.
What your partner doesn’t know is that you can get ready really, really quickly. When it’s their turn to turn you on, their job is simple. It just takes a few pumps. Grab your partner’s hand and show them how to pump it up the first time. I understand my readers and their partners may be of either or both genders. For easier reading I’ll use ‘her’ when referring to your partner – there’s no judgement here! Tell her it feels good. Tell her she isn’t hurting you (and if it does hurt, gently guide her hand to correct her pumping technique). Show her with your other hand what she’s doing to ‘Krull the Warrior King.’ OK please don’t actually call it that, or do, but don’t tell me you did.
Now she’s ready, and you’re ready. She’s probably going to have some questions, but I imagine she’s going to want to have sex first. The most important thing for you to do is to make her feel comfortable and show her how to use your IPP. If this approach backfires, she’s scared, or has too many questions, then stop. Explain it. Try again later.
Dinner For Three?
You don’t have to wait for the bedroom to introduce your partner to your IPP. Maybe you would rather do it as you tell your story of why you had it placed. Whether it’s from an underlying health condition, surgical procedure, or trauma, however you tell her, eventually you are also going to have to show her. Maybe you do it yourself the first time, but at some point, a good partner is going to want to get their hands on your pump too. My most successful patients are the ones where both partners are vested in bringing sex back into the bedroom.
I always ask my ED patients with partners to bring them to the clinic when we talk about treatment options, especially before we decide on an IPP. I have their partners feel the pump on the device models. We talk about it together, and at the activation visit, we activate it together (well, maybe not all three of us, because that would be weird). Often times the partner is more excited than the patient with the implant! Your partner can grab you by the balls and give you an erection at the same time? Talk about ultimate control.
You know your partner better than me, but I am a woman who knows her way around penile implants. My advice? Whether you choose to tell your partner about your IPP as part of the story of why you have it, or while you’re being intimate for the first time, remember, it isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward. Once your partner realizes how your IPP works, they’ll be happy you have one. That part is guaranteed.
Do you have experience doing this? How did it go? We’d love to hear your comments in the menMD Forum, and any other advice you have for other readers.
More importantly – have you ever met Automatico?
What’s Off The Record?
Off The Record is a column about life, love, relationships, and sex. Our anonymous urologist will pick questions submitted by menMD patient members and provide some insights, in the most entertaining way. The answers are meant to be thought provoking, engaging, honest, and fun. You can view all Off The Record posts in the Off The Record section of our blog. Better yet, submit your own anonymous question to be answered Off The Record.
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