When to tell the new partner

Ask Renée: When to tell the new partner

June 27, 2018 | Category: Ask Renée

Dear Renée,

I’ve been seeing someone new and it seems to be going somewhere. I would like to be honest and tell them about my ED regimen but I’m struggling with timing. When is the best time to clue them in?

Seeking One Obvious Nudge

Dear SOON,

Probably right as you coordinate both the skywriter and the barbershop quartet! Grand gestures aside, if this feels like tightroping some delicate timing, you’re right. Making the big reveal too soon risks high school levels of awkward. Waiting too long threatens to erode any growing trust. But wait! Before your life flashes before your very eyes, remember: men have traversed the impossible before. You can do this.

No one in sincere pursuit of love wants to be in early relationship limbo forever. How tired the parade of wit and charm! How primed the rehearsed panache! Getting to a new level of comfort requires us upping our openness. There’s no universal time limit, no optimal calculator. The pace of every relationship is different.

Getting to a new level of comfort requires us upping our openness. There’s no universal time limit, no optimal calculator. The pace of every relationship is different.

Look to your relationship for clues regarding your current intimacy threshold. Is there existing evidence of vulnerable disclosures being met with warmth and trust? Go for it! Still in the process of building basic trust while getting to know each other? Play with sharing lower-stakes vulnerabilities and assess your partner’s receptivity. Feel out the timing and when in doubt, err on the side of making a smart risk in the service of growing closer.

Hot sex. Hot vulnerability. The same rules apply: I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

 

Ask Renée is a column about life, love, relationships, and sex. Renée will pick questions submitted by menMD patient members and respond from her point of view. The answers are meant to be thought provoking, engaging, honest, and entertaining. You can view all of her posts in the Ask Renée section or you can ask your own questions by following the link below.

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