Ask Renee: Fantasy Island

August 29, 2018 | Category: Ask Renée

Dear Renee,

Once I hit the big 5-0, I developed ED and found success with Sildenafil. Now that my sex drive is back, I don’t feel as sexually attracted to my wife as I used to. I have fantasies about other women and sometimes even think of them while we’re making love. I feel guilty and confused. What gives?

When Others Excite

Dear WOE,

Every rose has its thorn and here’s the current prick: now that you’ve got your mojo back, you’re suddenly aware of all the sex you’re not having. You’ve traded in a half-charged battery for the keys to the Las Vegas powergrid. You’ve got the sexual charge, you just need an outlet.

The mind is a powerful erogenous zone so give up the guilt, stat. You’re allowed to fantasize about your wife. You’re allowed to fantasize about anyone but your wife. Your mental ménage à trois needn’t be a threat.

You’re allowed to fantasize about anyone. Your mental ménage à trois needn’t be a threat

Prepare for the heartbreak, WOE: fantasies are hot because they’re wildly unlikely to translate to real life. And that’s exactly why overthinking them is both a recipe for guilt and a totally unnecessary bummer. Attraction waxes and wanes in any relationship. If you lose attraction permanently maybe it’s worth looking at, but odds are there’s a pretty sensible reason you’re feeling this way.

Prepare for the heartbreak, WOE: fantasies are hot because they’re wildly unlikely to translate to real life.

Impotence can be slightly traumatic: the embarrassment, the shock, the meanings you make about what it means for you as a man. If you’re coming out of a relatively sexless bout pre-Sildenafil, you may need to learn to equate your relationship with satisfying sex again.

So here’s the prescription your doctor didn’t give you: stiffen your efforts and give it a hard go, if you come back for more, that’s how you’ll know.

 

Ask Reneé is a weekly column about life, love, relationships, and sex. Reneé will pick questions submitted by menMD patient members and respond from her point of view. The answers are meant to be thought provoking, engaging, honest, and entertaining. You can view all of her posts in the Ask Reneé section or you can ask your own questions by following the link below.

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